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happy hallmark day!

  • Feb. 15th, 2009 at 10:12 PM

I haven't posted anything in a while so, as my dinner is still in the oven, I thought I could update a bit!
Usually I hate Valentine's day  because it's way too commercial and kinda cheesy (let's be honest). Well, I have never properly celebrated it for some reasons (single, bf away or bf not knowing what day it is or pretending not to). But this time, it was different! I was really happy to be with my bf (read I was like those couples I used to hate with a bloody passion) and had so much fun.
Maybe I was secretely dreaming to be like those couples because conformism is so tempting.....
Anyway, I wish you guys had a great day as well.
On a side-note, I am coming back to Chester in a few days *excited*. I have realized recently how much I was missing the place and especially some people there. Pictures would be forthcoming on facebook so watch this space on a regular basis!!!
Love,
Elvira84
ps: It's amazing how a heart filled with love has an impact on its very environment. It's like love has a frequency that makes everything around you look better (a sort of magic wand). The more you love, the better it is so please love always no matter what!!!

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Hello everyone!

  • Jan. 2nd, 2009 at 2:08 PM

First of all, I would like to wish you all a very happy new year with lots of smiles :)
In the past year, a lot of shit has happened. Let's round up, while I am doing my laundry:
nice things:
-I made new friends from all over the world
-I travelled a lot and even went outside Europe, to Canada and the US to visit Shaney
-I did my year abroad in Chester and got graduated
-I managed to do things I thought I would never have been able to do like losing weight, cleaning my room, teaching English at uni, getting a merit scholarship, supporting my family financially thanks to three jobs, helping people when I was very down, etc
-I ate really delicious food
-OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
-I met Salman Rushdie, one of my favourite writers
-I fell in love for the first time in a long time
not so nice things:
-I had my first depression when I was in England
-I lost someone that was like a dad to me
-I lost some of the friends I made in Chester (while I thought they were true friends and that our friendship would last for a longtime)
-I drank too much alcohol
-I spent a night in jail that could have spoiled my dream of becoming a teacher
-I nearly got kicked out of my parent's house 6 times
-I watched my love life get all fucked up
-I felt incredibly disconnected to my old life, but I still live in it
I saw recently some of my very good friends that mean the world to me and that have never failed to support me and simply love me for who I am. They looked at me and said that for someone who has just been through all that in the course of a few months, I seemed incredibly happy. Yes, I am happy though!
None of this shit is lasting! Nothing is lasting! Everything is returnable with a receipt. I got more hugs this year than ever before. Is it just me? Or did the quality of hugging go up because everyone was that fucked up this year? I believe that love comes and goes in all sorts of forms and ways.
I would do my best to make 2009 a very good year since I have learned my lessons from 2008. I will focus this time on a few things but make sure to do them right!
Love always,
mwah xxx

a quick update (hopefully)

  • Dec. 25th, 2008 at 5:01 PM

Dear all,
I hope you are all having a great Christmas (wherever you are) and that Santa did not forget you (I still think he exists haha). So I have been quite busy because of my three jobs and uni. I am glad to be at last in holidays even though I have still one essay that is a bitch to submit in January (not to mention some translation works). I managed to spend some days in Britland (which were awesome) and now I have to order a bit (read do some laundry, pay the bills, do some cleaning, etc). I miss England already but I am also happy to be back because I can see Charlotte (a friend that I missed a lot over the past months since she left us for Florida) and there is also this amazing upcoming party on the 31st (which is going to be my first libertine party). On a side-note, Steve is going to visit me later on in January and I am gonna make sure he has a hell of a good time.
After all these parties, I will try to stay fit and start seriously poledancing on a regular basis. Studying way harder is what is on the table for next semester as there is no other way to make my dream come true (being a kickass literature lecturer). Moving out of my parent's house has become a necessity and I am looking forward to it. 
Oh, and Hernan (who was a very good friend until he decided not to this summer) is talking to me again (so happy). I am still waiting for another person to write/contact me (that used to be a very dear friend too) and I've decided to remain hopeful.
btw, I am still wondering what's gonna happen in 2009! I dunno how was 2008 for u but 2008 did change my life!
much love,
mwah xxx

Is everyone on crack?

  • Nov. 29th, 2008 at 10:01 PM

Since when people have become obsessed with appearance? Maybe I missed something cuz I feel like I have woken up in a totally different world. I knew all about this beauty bullshit of course (tho I am not watching TV like most people do) cuz we are surrounded by these images all the time (read ALL THE TIME even when you are sleeping *scared*). But I felt lucky enough to live in a preserved environment where people have many other concerns. Maybe I am just thinking about this too much but my boyfriend (who is a photographer) said that I was too fat and I could not do any other photoshoots with him until I go on a diet and wax my whole body. My first reaction was to laugh but this lasted only for about a couple of seconds till I realized he was serious. Then I asked the boy to let me see the photographs and he pointed the pictures where I thought I looked hot (saying that I had a big belly and all). WTF! I mean, I wasn't even fat (trust me, I know when I am and have to do something about it). This was obviously the start of a big argument  (you know the kind I'm pretty sure: where you say things you do not mean to say and worse comes to worse). You end up proud of yourself, the boy shuts the door and you cry alone for a while. Then he is calling you to apologize, you don't answer the phone maybe because it's part of the relationship game (because you are not supposed to show your weaknesses even to your boyfriend). Of course, you can only hold out for a few hours and then it starts all over again till the next argument.
In between the argument phase and the apology/back-to-normal-kinda phase, I went back home. And my mom confirmed the fat thingy and was even crueler, my brother did as well (but you never know with him if he's joking or not) and even worse: some of my friends. I thought they were all on crack: no, seriously.
I decided to indulge myself with shopping (BAD IDEA). To cope with this whole madness, I decided to take the train and go to a bigger city where shopping could be a way of life. The train was late and I began to stare at the train tracks and wondered what it would be like to hop down there the moment the train arrived. Don't get me wrong, I had no intention to go suicidal but it's a kind of thought everyone does have at some point. 
Fortunately, a good friend of mine called and I had a hell of a good time trying to catch up with her and all. I saved alot of money that day. My good friends and a very honest gay guy were on my side and couldn't believe that. Anyway, it doesn't even matter to have a big belly or not. We should love our bodies and be happy with them because they are all awesome with different shapes, colours, smells, etc...
Body love should be the new black!

On a side-note, I am going to teach at primary school as well. That's going to be a big change (cuz I am currently teaching at uni) but I love challenge and experiencing new things.
lots of love,
Elvira84

news from the front!

  • Nov. 12th, 2008 at 11:54 PM

Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well!
It has been ages so I thought I owed you an entry! I have so many things to say and yet a little time to write so I will try to go to the heart of the matter without digressing too much (theory and practice seem to be worlds apart though *sigh*). As you probably have guessed, I had an awesome time in the US and, surprisingly, I felt good there (better than I thought  I would be). I found myself imagining what could have been my life if I had chosen the US instead of France. My life would have been very different indeed, better on some points but I know that I have made the right choice. I feel like one should find out what he/she is good at (everyone has a talent I believe and some people have many of them!) and once he/she has achieved that (which can take a while, I tell ya!), the path is revealed. Say, it's a bit more complicated than that actually, as there are many paths and nothing such as the Right Path. Which is, I have to confess, both exciting and frightening. Staying in France, back to my hometown, is not the greatest thing in the world but, still, it takes me closer and closer to my dream. My uni is really great (I learn a a lot everyday and I have lecturers that are like Gods to me!) and opens up an entirely new universe to me. I am talking about the world of research, about how to do something that has never been done before, about my passion for the role of literature in our society. At first, I was very prejudiced and I hated research with a bloody passion for some reason. I had no clue about what it was and there is so much to discover that I feel still ignorant about it. Today, in my library (a place that I do not dread anymore) I was introduced to a new literature database called LION (or literature online). This is just amazing, I mean everything that I could dream of is gathered in that database and even more. It would have been so helpful to know it a few years ago! Now, I have no more excuses to delay the working on my dissertation! They even have a 'search within books' tool which enables you to type anything and find the number of hits you get in the whole book (read incredible for linguistics freaks such as myself!).
On another note, I have just received a message from my favourite lecturer and she said that she is going to take me to (my first!!!) a three- day literature conference in December *does happy dance*. Learning is my drug now: the more you learn, the more you realize how much you do not know (which makes you eventually wanna learn even more).
Love you all,
Elvira84
ps: Tomorrow, I'm teaching again at uni and I am gonna do a special Elvira lesson haha unpleasant dreams


Hey guys!
I'm probably not gonna post anything for a while due to uni work n other personal commitments! So my life is great atm but fucking tiring n with no room for idleness (this doesn't prevent me from using facebook or myspace on a daily basis though).
So I met Sir Rushdie n this was just awesome (apart from the lack of sleep trying to cope with excitement n all). I could ask questions n talk to him which was even better than I expected. The man is quite simple n even funny (considering his controversial status n so much hatred after the fatwa in 1989). I couldn't help being a groupie: (in no particular order) my heart was beating so fast that I was under the impression that everyone could c that, I bought his latest book n spent the money I was supposed to save to buy a coat (I have none n I'm going to Montreal this Friday!) but got it signed like the many others I was carrying with me, took pictures with him that would b on facebook pretty soon and almost passed out reading my first question.
On Monday, our beloved uni is welcoming the famous Scottish writer Alasdair Gray (google him!) and I managed to get all our classes for this day suspended so that we could benefit from a full study day. Being my evil self, I would take my students to the literary thingy (cuz I'm paid n I can't skip work) though they probably don't give a shit about that. It's also gonna b my first day as a uni teacher (giving English conversation classes n phonetics) with 3 hours!
On an unrelated note linguistics is still very sexual (I'm not even alluding to the very sexy lecturer with a gorgeous British accent), I quote randomly some examples used for the purpose of linguistics 'he would feel her heavy breasts beneath the sack of her dress, pushing them up in the palms of his hands. He would unbutton his trousers and free the stake of his hard white flesh, making her run her hands on it and pinch the burning red tip as he shoved her to the floor, yanking the dress up over the fast swell of her thighs, higher over the heaving roll of her black-nippled breasts.'
I think it is enough n I've made my point. I beg ur pardon? U want more? All right, u perverts! 'He'd put himself down on her broad hips until she was covered with a white body' Well, if u guys want more then start linguistics!
oups, I almost forgot: we've created an English society @ uni n we had our first party which was a blast! Some pictures r already on facebook but more will come. I was so proud since a cocktail was made after my name n it was pretty strong (like me) but it had a helluva good taste. Now, I might launch my cocktail all over the world n become rich haha.
love u all!
Elvira84 aka the mistress of the dark
ps: upcoming events: 1) trip to Paris, London, Montreal, Plattsburgh, New York
2) Big after Halloween party+ a good friend's birthday
3) football game in Marseille (gonna b in the stadium)
4) High School Musical 3 with Elvira's crew (read my friends n my students)
 

when linguistics meets sex!

  • Oct. 11th, 2008 at 9:08 PM

This year I'm doing linguistics, which is pretty interesting and useful though very hard to understand. For this class, we have to read loads of articles in order to get the meaning of the following lecture. The last one was about 'would' and was one of the most difficult ones (destined to lecturers or very advanced students speaking fluently the linguistics jargon). So I read it with some effort and, at the end of the article in question, I came across a corpus with supplementary examples. I quote the first example of the corpus: 'Question: do you ever fake orgasms? Answers: In the past I would do it to protect the man's ego and occasionally because he would be mad if I didn't have one [...] To avoid frustration I would think myself into a state of frigidity. This curbed the hornies, but then, when my boyfriend wanted to have sex, I found it harder and harder to defrost myself in time. He would work hard to get me aroused, and often spend a lot of time before I would begin to thaw out. [...] I would never try to communicate my problem to my boyfriend because I felt it was my fault'.
WTF! I mean, they could have taken any other examples! I'm sorry if I can't read this in a strictly linguistics point of view! This came almost as a shock to me cuz I didn't expect anything like that from a linguistics book!

The end of the secret!

  • Oct. 6th, 2008 at 9:09 PM


To my faithful readers and other unfaithful ones!

I've just realized that may b what seems to be great to me would probably b very common to u. Anyway (as promised), I will tell you what this is all about. First of all ,to those who dunno me, I'm very passionate about literature to such an extent that I'm writing a master's dissertation about it (read trying cuz I haven't actually started *suck*)
So if ,you guys, haven't heard about Sir (yes, he's been appointed recently) Salman Rushdie, there is no point reading this (unless you catch up on life and google him -just kidding-)
So I'm a big fan of Salman Rusdie and I'm actually gonna meet him and be introduced to him! Cuz I've been selected by one of my lecturers to come to a literature round table (dunno if that means anything to u as I'm translating directly from a French term). This is a highly private meeting with the happy few (the lecturer in question and only doctorate students and other specialists) and to b honest I almost fainted the moment I found out that he was coming to the South of France.
I'm planning on writing about his work and meeting him sounds just unbelievable (gonna include this in my dissertation hehe)
What strikes me is that I've been invited to this kickass meeting. My lecturer's just told me that among all the students doing a master's degree, she has been thinking of me. Because I'm quite fluent in English and she got that I was fascinated by literature. But still... WTF! She (the lecturer) doesn't even know me and we didn't give papers and all.
There might b some kind of gods after all. Cuz I have the honour to ask him very specific  questions about my dissertation OMG!

Another exciting thing: I'm gonna go to Canada and the US in a few days! And I would b 21! I've never been outside Europe so I'm just stoked about it! And seeing Shaney is going to b just awesome (yep I must admit that I missed the boy a little bit, just a little bit of course lmao), meeting his friends, having many adventures, being Elvira again and so on. I can't wait to go to Sky (the greatest night club ever) and do many American things (a list would b too long).

On an unrelated note, it might b the end of the Dresden Dolls (my favourite band on earth, sorry about the others!) *sigh*. But according to Amanda Palmer, this is just a kind of break (for how long? who knows) so gonna keep hopes.

hope ur all doing great and making the most of ur life (everyday)
love,
Elvira84
ps: dear American fellows, don't forget to vote 4 Elvira on the 4th!
http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=HAtbh9FULwo

Latest news as promised!

  • Sep. 27th, 2008 at 12:40 PM

Sorry but I was so happy these days that I seriously thought that I could die because of it like having a heart attack lmao
If I'm that happy, it's because I meet awesome people on my way (read attract them) n make my dreams come true (because everything is possible if u keep faith)
I discovered these great principles in Chester when I was doing my year abroad n I would never stop being grateful to everyone I met there (that's why I want to share that with you guys n don't hesitate to transmit my thoughts to ur relatives if u feel that this could help them)
I sound like I wanna b a priest or something, but don't get me wrong: I'm only someone that is giving to others what has been given to her because we r all part of the big family entitled MANKIND
we r all connected somehow n internet helps us to feel this in a more concrete way
So yesterday was just so good! I went to my (regular) gay club and danced alot with some friends from uni that 'discovered' me last night hehe. They said that I worked my image very well because they thought that I was the kind of girl that stays home n studies all day (they said 'a pure angel') n seeing me dancing with almost everyone came as a shock to them. I never pay in night clubs, I always meet people that pay me drinks without expecting anything from me in return (only a nice talk) and they r either gay men, straight men, bouncers, bar tenders, straight girls,  bi girls, lesbians or complete freaks (in a positive sense)

I really like my uni now because I understand something else (which is pretty obvious but slipped my mind on various occasions): a place is great not only because it is great but because u perceive it as such (the place in itself has no connection with greatness or dullness by essence)
so I decided to make my uni rock n was already grateful to b in this uni! n as expected, I was more than rewarded:
1) I made alot of friends
2) I got the job I  dreamed of for many years: teaching English @ uni for the second year students
3) practice my English as much as possible (I know alot of English people in Avignon)
4) have really interesting lectures n lecturers
5) managed to talk my favourite lecturer into being my supervisor for my dissertation
6) almost found a topic for my dissertation
7) a secret I can't tell u now (but will do asap)
8) more things but the list would b too long

All my love,
mwah xxx
ps: I can't wait to tell u the secret I mentioned earlier (u won't believe ur eyes I promise)
hope everything is fine for u as well or will b soon

Her new album just rocks (Who killed Amanda Palmer)  n I like her even more (didn't know it could happen)
n I'm so waiting 4 the  fine art photography book  that would come out in November (on which she's collaborating with the esteemed author Neil Gaiman!)
sorry about this crazy entry, but I needed to do this *groupie thing*
now i can go back to my life while listening to her album (love having music in my car)
MORE RECENT NEWS IN THE NEXT ENTRY (i have loads of thing to say but need more time to write them)
love u
mwah xxx
ps: feel free to put some comments (I don't bite, well via internet anyway)

Predictable!

  • Sep. 18th, 2008 at 7:52 PM

Sometimes u know that something would happen n u dread it like fire. And it happens! I was trying to avoid my ex because our relationship ended pretty badly and I wasn't feeling like talking to him (though I have no grudges against him). Fortunately, I was not alone when I met him (having Anthony almost all the time with me reduced this probability) and it started very casually. He was glad to see me again after a two month break and the boy said that I looked different somehow (either for the better or the worse, I would never know). So everything went fine and was going my way till he said: 'we should meet some days, see each other, waddya think?' And I said: 'sure' This tiny little thing annoyed me more than I thought (because the boy wants to see me and I feel inclined to see him again though I shouldn't).
On an unrelated note, I'm still my ludicrous self (especially at uni). During my history class, the lecturer stopped n stared at me for ages (well maybe it was ten seconds but it was long enough: believe me!) and I was wondering why. As a result,  all of the students began to do the same and I felt very embarrassed. The lecturer thought I had something to say apparently (and she asked me what was on my mind: I was thinking about my modern dance class so I said nothing). Then all of a sudden, I began to laugh (u probably don't know this laugh but it's a horrible one, one u would love to be inaudible) and I felt so ridiculous that I turned red. 
To complete this rather wonderful picture of myself: I'm still not able to come to my linguistics class without blushing. 
I almost forgot to tell you this: during my dance class the only boy attending it asked me out. I was very surprised and said to him that I was flattered but already in a relationship. I hope it's not related but he told the teacher straight after this that he was quitting.

To come:
SATURDAY: my second gay night in Avignon *excited* in a different night club so I might love it
9th of OCTOBER: my birthday, gonna b 21, gonna b able to drink all over the world hehe
31st of OCTOBER: great Halloween party at my friend's place (I'm gonna b Elvira of course but this time I would do my hair even though it takes days)

Elvira, have you ever been married?

Elvira84: 'No. But I've been tied down a time or two.

Mamma Mia!

  • Sep. 15th, 2008 at 11:15 PM

Yesterday I took my students from Chester (well, one of them was more Florian's but whatever) to the cinema and we saw Mamma Mia which was just great (it came out only a couple of days ago in France!). It might b a bit cheesy but this kind of films always makes me wanna sing and dance (now I've got almost all the songs in my mind haha). We saw the trailers for High School Musical 3 and we all laughed cuz we knew that there would b no way to avoid seeing it. We are all the same I guess. Trying to b original and failing at it (conforming all the time whether it's conscious or not: don't get me wrong I am not trying to b philosophical or something, I'm just knackered). Afterwards, I wanted to b very French (personal joke because my lecturer from Chester just said to me that taking my students to the cinema on a Sunday afternoon was very French of me) n decided to have an awesome crêpe (which has nothing to do with pancakes guys) with them at a restaurant. As usual the very cute waiter was there n recognized me saying 'I knew I would see u today'. All my students thought he was a very close relative or my boyfriend because he was talking alot to me and all. What happened is that I came to this restaurant first with my mom about a month ago n that's when we met him. Because he was very nice n all, we got along very easily (n I honetsly thought he was gay because he looked very sensitive n was too great to b straight). Odds made me come back to this restaurant almost every week with different friends so I got to see him quite often. I know he is attracted to me and I'm far from being indifferent (blushing like a 14 year old girl). I'm coming this weekend again with my family (again by chance) so what's gonna happen this time? I will let u know of course hehe.

some news of late for my dearest readers!

  • Sep. 13th, 2008 at 5:51 PM

So after one week of uni, I find myself able (at last) to get a proper timetable  (the choice between courses was hard sometimes but obvioulsy I could not take everything haha):
-Modern Dance (I've never done that at uni before but apparently it's worth it n I really want to dance alot this year)
-Pole Dance (tried once n it was ace, I can't wait for the next lesson in a month's time): the only problem is that I can attend it only once a month as it is not in my hometown but in Nice (about 200 miles from where I live but fortunately my cousin is living there so I pay him more visits hehe)
-Jitsu/Aikido: I'm not gonna attend this on a regular basis because I'm quite busy n (though I like it alot) it's low on priority list
-Theatre (gonna b in a friend's play that she wrote, yes I do know some talented people): I missed doing this when I was in Chester but the drama society there was just not my type
-Teaching: I have to meet my tutor asap to know how many classes I'm supposed to have (n to know how much I'm gonna b paid!). i'm excited about this because it's teaching English at uni n it's a helluva good training for me
-Cinema (never done this before n I kinda needed it because I know nothing about it *suck*): it's gonna b about Hollywood in the 50s and 60s and the emphasis is on the French stereotype (how surprising!)
-language, identity n immigration: need to study alot for this one but it's quite interesting
-European identity and culture: (probably one of the most interesting classes this year) the lecturer is just excellent (I'm gonna have a shrine in my room in a couple of days to worship her at night lol) n she is just the kind of lecturer that makes u think 'I'm so glad to b @ uni!
-translation (this one is highly philosophical): it's a lot of theory n a few practice but it's quite cool! The major problem is to understand what is on my lecturer's mind (guess I have to b either high or drink gallons of green tea)
-from page to stage (this one is a good way to know what it is to b a researcher): it's about the theory of adaptation but in the same medium (we stay in the theatre domain). Strangely, nothing like that has ever been written so we r kinda helping our lecturers n we can see the process of research live (basically) while starting our first real piece of research in groups
-the construction of meaning: an enunciative approach (it's lingusitics), it's about how to use several softwares for linguistics (using computers and working on corpora). The main goal is probably to make us get a sense of the world of today's linguists. I took it because linguistics is one of my weaknesses n I like having a charming English man (who says 'damn it' in such a cute way!) as a lecturer
-translation applied to diverse English cultural areas: the lecturer did not show up at all so I took her/his class (due to my passion for ghosts I imagine)
So this is all folks! Gotta read some books (read trying) or get some work done (for God's sake!)

Read one book, one more to go!

  • Sep. 6th, 2008 at 10:49 PM

Well, I should b more specific n say that the last one is the biggest one (645 pages while the other one was only 229 pages). Would I make it before Monday? Or should I do something I forbid myself to do this year (meaning: pretending n using some websites like sparknotes). What scares me if that it's the beginning of the year n I already use the 'last resorts' plans. What would i do next (skip classes to do the uni work? tempting but that outwardly expresses how lazy I've become)?
I can't help feeling guilty when I see how 'hard' my classmates r studying. Have to catch up I guess if I don't want to fail this year.

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starting something new!

  • Sep. 4th, 2008 at 8:13 PM

I have not been writing for a while due to work and other personal commitments (not to mention my boyfriend). So being back to uni after a great vacation was kinda hard but I was glad to see Anthony again (he's been lazy so I couldn't see him this summer *gonna punish him*). I had the chance to see many friends (I was not able to c before for some reason) so it was great to talk to them. To be honest, the master's degree is pretty scary, but at the same time very interesting. The emphasis is ,of course, on the master's thesis that we are supposed to start writing (OMG, why am I so bad at keeping on top of things?). As u probably know, making a choice is a real challenge for me (I'm a libra) so I'm not sure 'yet' about the courses I'm taking. I think I'm gonna attend most of the classes to have a clearer idea.
As usual, I've discovered that I have to read two books before uni starts n the deadline is on Monday. The said books are great but I have to read them in a very short amount of time. It's Flaubert's parrot by Julian Barnes n the famous midnight's children by Rushdie for a lecture entitled 'historicity and metafiction in the contemporary British novel'.
have to read honeybees
mwah xxx

'Life, what it is but a dream!'

  • Aug. 25th, 2008 at 12:58 AM

My new boyfriend is ace though he has a weakness for the bottle, too, but we won't dwell on that (I'm just topping up his glass as a reward!). Recently I decided to do some gardening n I congratulate myself (no one else is doing it so...) on how neat the roses look since I've taken charge of them. I should have done that earlier but I did not for reasons I cannot put my finger on. On an unrelated note, I did a job interview n succeeded but they crossed me off their list as apparently I'm ludicrously overqualified (not that I was desperate for this job but...). I dunno if it has to do with having spent some nights at 51 Parkgate road with a poltergeist but I find I'm now given to seeing omen at every turn. I'm also becoming quite supersticious (I catch myself walking ostrentatiously around ladders, or even knocking on wood like some damn woodpecker). Something I'm not glad about is that, what happened to me in Chester did not fall on deaf ears. I finally realized that the more you try to silence them, the more tongues wag and I now curse myself for being so slow! It's like they're shattering one by one all my precious memories of England under their terrible fusillade. I might kill them all lol (once I've finally resolved on something, I act).

'Elvira, what do you look for in a man?'
Elvira84: 'a big bulge in his pants...where he keeps his wallet'

Fail!

  • Aug. 23rd, 2008 at 2:58 AM

When everything was practically going my way, I 'm  passing out like a young girl. I know, it is like a sign from my body saying: 'hey, take it easy, you are doing way too much and you should stop for a while or slow down'. The thing is that I am busy as hell and need that crazy rhythm to feel alive n go on with my passionate character. Maybe I should reach an agreement asap with my body because it's like a silly war between me and me. Everyone has its own limits and I have to be careful but WTF I'm 20. Well, I guess it's because I have a very good health and I'm not used to be sick. I'm again paying for my mistakes, which reminds me of a sentence said to me by a very good friend of mine in Chester: 'When will you learn from your mistakes?'. When I will be dead rather sooner than later at this pace (yes, I live a life of danger). 

'What's the most important beauty tip you can share with us?'
Elvira84: 'Avoid having ugly parents'

A gloomy evening!

  • Aug. 20th, 2008 at 10:12 PM

I bet studying the gothic might entail experiencing some of its components in real life (u can feel sorry for me!)
So I went out to go shopping (I just love it so I can't help doing it anytime I can afford it or if I've got time to kill though I'm supposedly busy as hell) and I bumped into a creepy man that was about my house. He looked familiar n I guessed who it was immediately and I said his name straight to his face (which made him jump n shiver a little bit: I might end up being the creepy one at some point). He was the builder of my house that lived there till 1985 (before my birth) n that graciously sold it to my parents. I've never met the man in real life n he's never seen me but my parents used to talk alot about him. I honestly dunno why I recognized him, I think i had a hell of an intuition. Anyway, I talked to the guy n he told me that he met my father after he got his first stroke (that nearly killed him) n that he knew about his death. This made me feel depressed but I was trying to hide it (leading the conversation to the building works performed in my house over the past few years). I didn't cry or anything (cuz I'd never show to anyone that the great Elvira could have some weaknesses) but I was a bit down. He wanted to see the house but would never tell me anything so, at the end, I had to pretend I wanted to fetch something in my garden so that the guy could get a glimpse. He was very shy (yes, he was very nostalgic about seeing his house after 22 years) but asked me at last if he could enter for a few minutes. I asked my mom n she was glad to see him n he had a real tour of our house (I think we made his day). What stroke us was when, suddenly, he stopped n was staring at an old piece of furniture we had near the main entrance. He became pale and asked if he, by any chance, forgot it when he sold the house. We said to him that it was not the case as we bought this awesome piece of furniture on ebay about 4 years ago. Then, he took his wallet n was looking for some pictures he wanted to show us. It was an old black and white picture of the same piece of furniture which was exactly at the same location in our house. This really killed me! How this could be possible? After that he told us how much he was missing the house and that he shouldn't have left it cuz it was the perfect house (meaning quite close to the city centre, not too big and with a wonderful garden). After he left, my mom told me that he got very sick after he moved and a few years later he had a divorce. She said that she was very surprised because he was always saying that he and his wife were the perfect match and they looked like they were. To sum up: nothing good happened to him after he moved to another town. 
Despite this unexpected conversation with him I managed to go shopping before the shops closed at 9 pm.
A lighter note to end this entry:
'I heard you got your new job by sleeping with the boss?'
Elvira84: 'That's a bold-faced lie! Why, I hardly got any sleep at all!'


We all have a Rebecca inside us!

  • Aug. 17th, 2008 at 2:05 PM

 I haven't been writing for a while cuz I didn't feel like it (I was very busy with my new job and new boyfriend haha)
This article is very influenced by my reading of Rebecca n my increasing interest in the gothic (I'm planning to write my dissertation about it and I am currently reading an awesome anthology that a good friend of mine gave me entitled 'the supernatural omnibus' that is now out of print unfortunately).
Trying to forget n failing at it might happen to us all. We feel that we are kinda doomed cuz we cannot have control over so many things (beyond our grasp) from our own thoughts to what happens to us. The past is always coming back to strike us at inappropriate moments (n it does hurt alot). What I mean by Rebecca is the past as a kind of ghost that would hurt us if we're trying to deny it. Rebecca could b a person or some events that marked u or a combination of both.
An old (I assume) English saying is quoted in the book: 'out of sight, out of mind'  following by a little comment: 'If people aren't there to be talked about the talk dies. It's the way of the world'
I can't help thinking that, on the contrary, what we are avoiding would manifest in a stronger way to crush us. I am thinking about dreams n especially the subconsiouous. I imagine that the best way to deal with these memories that, let's say "haunt us", is to accept them and learn from them, even thought it could be painful. The more you're fighting against them, the more u'd get hurt. Being busy might help in that case n time is suposed to be the best healer (I'm not old enough to assert this though).
N as usual a lighter note to make u laugh (the best therapy ever hehe): 
'I know balck is the best colour for evening, but what about day time?'
Elvira84: 'Black is also the best colour for day. The great thing about it is that you can wear the same outfit everyday for months and the dirt won't show'

amazing!

  • Aug. 1st, 2008 at 5:24 PM

I've been quite busy these days (being Elvira everyday do attract people's attention). I am gonna just tell u something funny that happened to me four days ago when I was driving my brother to the doctor. The waiting room was full so I decided to go outside for a while n read on a bench (Rebecca to b more specific). Someone appeared all of the sudden n asked me if she could sit next to me (which didn't bother me at all). She was quite old n was surprised that I said 'yes' to a seemingly basic question. She had a magazine but was not reading it at all (she was more like staring at me). She apparently needed to talk n I could feel it from miles away so I decided to b kind n pushed aside my favourite book at the moment. Then she said something that made me feel quite sad: 'I haven't talked to anyone for 16 years'. I thought she was kidding me but she was damned serious (I couldn't believe my eyes). No one was talking to her in her neighbourhood and she had no frds or relatives. She was quite crippled so she couldn't even buy any books n she was very bored (she had already read all the books in her library several times). I would have given mine but as it was in English I changed my mind n told her that I could buy any books for her. She said that she just wanted a love story but it had to b something quite new (not a classic). We talked for two hours until my brother came back form the doctor n she said thank u to me n that I was her saviour or something (she said she had never seen anyone in the courtyard for 16 years). She was so bored that she became a bit mad (she was using a pair of binoculars to observe people n to know who was coming in n out). She said that I gave her a reason to b n she was looking forward to my next visit on the bench (she had a car crash a month ago n she said at first that she wished she had not survived). 

Something funnier to end this entry: 'Elvira do u always say "yes"?
'Well, actually, I did say no once. But that was when I was asked if I'd ever said "no" before'.

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